


Five Times the team thought Clint was furious with them when he wasn't

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Character Death Fix, Community: kink_bingo, Coulson is a badass, Established Relationship, Fix-It, M/M, Pranks, Situational Humiliation, resting face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA: Clint's resting face is really scary.</p><p>For this prompt on avengerkink: We've all seen the Jeremy Renner interview talking about his resting face (see link and time) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAiq8y9GR7o at the 6:14 mark. Wonder if Clint has the same problem? Let's do a 5 times an Avenger thought Clint was going to murder them (but not really) and the one time he really was pissed at one (or all of them). Bonus if when he's actually pissed off he smiles. </p><p> </p><p>Includes: Clint/Coulson established relationship, Steve/Tony preslash, Natasha & Clint friendship</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times the team thought Clint was furious with them when he wasn't

1\. "So, Cap," Tony riffed, more than a little inebriated, "Can you even fuck a normal human? Like do you have to be really careful? Is it the equivalent of like one of us having sex with a paper doll?" Tony grinned as Steve displayed a light blush.

"Tony," Natasha said, holding her vodka much better than Tony, "I pretty sure you're the only one here who fucks inanimate objects."

"The real question," Bruce added, "is why Tony is so interested in how Steve fucks."

Tony gave a drunk, lascivious grin at Steve, who looked even more embarrassed but not really all that uninterested. 

"Tell you what, Cap," Tony said, giggling, "Go fuck Clint and if he survives I'll let you have a ride."

They all looked over to see Clint's reaction, laughing hysterically as Steve turned an even brighter shade of red.

The laughter stopped when they saw the look on Clint's face, at the impassive blank stare that hinted at something dark and enraged that might come out at any moment. 

As the team quickly changed the subject, Natasha leaned over and whispered in Clint's ear, "Hey, are you upset?"

"What?" Clint asked, confused. "No, I was thinking about the paperwork I turned in this afternoon. I think I spelled those aliens' names wrong." 

"So you weren't listening to the conversation?" she said.

"No. Did I miss something good?"

\--

2\. The plan was good. Everyone had their role to play.

Everyone except Clint. 

He was recovering from a minor injury, and their mission wasn't exactly in a standard environment, and all the non-powered roles could be handled by Black Widow. So they hesitantly explained at the briefing that Hawkeye would actually work with Coulson back at base, overseeing things rather than being in the battle itself. 

It was a sensitive issue, and the powered Avengers knew to never, ever imply that the non-powered members of the team were expendable. But Clint's injury was to his shoulder, and though Clint insisted on returning to work, Coulson had secretly let the team know that rest would prevent long term strain on Clint's shooting arm. And so when they explained the plan that happened to leave out Clint, they very hesitantly looked over to see his reaction. 

It wasn't good.

The man was silent. They wished that he would yell at them, pound the table, anything. Instead, they just got that terrifying stare.

But they weren't heroes for nothing. Not backing down, they confirmed that they were going ahead as planned, got up from the table, and tried not to look at an obviously resentful Clint.

Clint started to get up and follow them to the jet when Natasha poked his good arm.

"You weren't paying attention at the briefing at all, were you?"

"When do I ever?" Clint said. "So what's the plan?"

"The plan is for us to go take down the bad guys while you stay on base, take care of your shoulder, and fuck Coulson into the wall."

Clint hesitated before answering.

"Cool."  
\--  
3\. It was a rough mission. 

And not without mistakes. Tony had gone off half-cocked (as usual), the Hulk had had some impulse control issues (even more usual). Thor had let himself be tricked by Loki's obviously insincere offer of help. Even Steve made big mistakes, trying to do everything all at once, addressing every problem himself, and so he ended up not fixing anything at all. Even Natasha was mad at herself; it had taken her over two hours to get the deactivate code from the prisoner, who wasn't even a mastermind, just some hired thug that should be well below her pay grade. The end result of this clusterfuck was that Clint had to save their asses by shooting just about everyone, including the humans who were working with the enemy. Lots of them. 

On the long, quiet, disappointed ride home, they hardly spoke at all. Tony thought about mentioning it, get the fuck ups out of the open, but one look at Steve's crestfallen face and Clint's scary-as-fuck cold-eyed stare, and he thought better of it. 

Thor finally said, "I am sorry for my foolishness, my friends."

"We all made mistakes," Steve said. 

"Not Clint," Bruce pointed out.

"Yes, thank you for all you did today, Clint. It's never easy when it gets that messy. Your sacrifice is appreciated," Steve said. 

Clint said nothing. Just stared.

Natasha elbowed him. "We said, good job today, Clint."

"Thanks," he muttered, not looking remotely interested in continuing the conversation with them.

They went back to looking at the walls, avoiding talking about everything that had happened.

Natasha was pretty sure that Clint was just not paying attention. As usual. But just in case, she whispered to him, "Hey, you okay?"

"What? Yeah, dude, why does everyone keep talking to me? Can't they see I'm trying to take a nap?" 

Natasha just rolled her eyes and went back to her seat.

\--  
4\. Clint is the last one to move to the Avengers Tower. 

It wasn't entirely by choice. 

Coulson came in with his usual combination of authority and drollness, giving them their orders (and complaints) for the week. At the end, right before he left, he said, "By the way, security has determined it's safer and more efficient to have ALL of you live at the Tower, so Clint will be moving there this weekend."

"All right," Tony said with a grin. He had tried to convince Fury to get Clint to move in for a while - he felt like it wasn't really the Avengers Tower without all of them, and so he did all sorts of convincing statistical analyses to show Fury's analysts. Bruce had helped, and Steve and Thor had each gone to Fury to say that Clint's presence would be appreciated, Steve for reasons of safety and Thor for reasons of merriment-making. 

Clint didn't seem too pleased.

He seemed, in fact, like he was contemplating killing them all in slow, painful ways. 

They knew the man valued his independence, that he was a bit of a loner, but they didn't think he would be so... angry.

"Well, orders are orders," Steve said, and Clint nodded, but still with that cold, reptilian stare. 

They left the room then, except for Natasha. Steve wondered for a moment if it was wise to leave her alone with Clint when he was in such a state, but he also knew that it wasn't his place to get in the middle of Clint and Natasha's longstanding friendship.

When they were alone, Natasha gave him an exasperated slap on the arm. "Were you not paying attention AGAIN?"

"What? Of course I was."

"So you know you're moving into the Tower?"

"Yeah, Coulson told me last night. Right before we were about to go to bed. And I don't mean to sleep. I was totally pissed."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, I haven't had to deal with roommates since the circus. But yeah, I guess it won't be that bad. I was mostly pissed at Phil's timing."

"So why were you acting like you weren't listening?" she asked.

"Haven't you noticed? When I just show like, my normal face, they get all weird and scared. It's totally hilarious," Clint said.

"You're an idiot," Natasha said. "But, yeah, it's pretty funny the way big giant Thor, like, scampers away."

"Or the way Tony looks like he's so desperate to say something but then thinks he shouldn't. But he wants to but he's scared to. It's like his mouth can't make up its mind."

Natasha giggled. "It is pretty funny. But come on, they're not that bad."

"They're not," Clint agreed. "And actually, now that I've had time to think about it, living with you guys might be kind of cool."

"Glad to hear it, roomie," she smiled, "But seriously, touch my stuff and I will shoot you."

He laughed and agreed to her terms and they headed over to his place to pack up his belongings.

"Hey, Tasha?" he asked as they walked.

"What?"

"Why do they all react that way to my normal face?"

 

\--  
5\. Clint was the last to find out that Coulson was alive.

They were all pissed that Fury kept it a secret. But there was no way -- no chance -- that they were going to tell Clint until they were absolutely positive that it was true. No way were they going to give Clint false hope. 

Finally, they got confirmation, and Steve and Natasha saw him with their own two eyes. Their handler was even awake enough to smile and nag them about remembering proper backup.

"Pot, kettle," Natasha had said.

But Steve and Natasha came back to tell the team, and they decided that they would all tell Clint together.

They explained it. All of it. Fury's plan. Causing them all - but especially Clint -- all that grief just to make sure the Avengers Initiative work. And that when they heard Phil was alive, they had to make sure it was true. They apologized for keeping it from him, but they explained that they were doing it for all the right reasons. 

The whole time, Clint said nothing. He gave them that hard, unyielding look, the look that made even the bravest warriors of earth and Asgard flinch. His eyes were cold, terrifying even, and nothing they could say could soften his heart. They proceeded to explain everything they had learned - where Phil was being kept, his prognosis for a slow but full recovery, how they responded to Fury and what they planned to do, and again and again, how very sorry they were for not telling him right away.

Still, that relentless stare, boring into each of them.

It was clear. Clint was never going to forgive them for keeping this secret. 

That's what everyone believed but Natasha, anyway.

The truth was that the only thing Clint had heard in that long painful conversation was the first sentence.

"Phil is alive."

And then the room went silent. A loud buzz, a blur of sights, none of the quite registering. Clint could hear his own heartbeat, could feel his mind go blank with the shock of it, white noise with little bursts of terrifying thoughts.  
 _  
It couldn't be._

_This wasn't real._

_He was dreaming._

_He was having a breakdown._

_He had nothing._

_Phil was gone._

_Phil was...  
_  
Natasha gently shook him by the shoulders. The cold blank stare left his face, and his eyes welled up.

He looked at her, and then he looked at the rest of the team, all of whom were watching him worriedly. 

He finally spoke, voice ragged. 

"Phil is alive?"

 

\--

And one time when Clint actually was mad:

 

For the most part, they were all enjoying the prank war. Tony thought he would be prank king, and his indeed were pretty good. But Bruce was surprisingly brilliant at coming up with hilarious ones. They mostly only did minor pranks on Natasha, since, well, they DID have a sense of self-preservation. Thor was always good humored about all of it, though, and Pepper was surprisingly adept at the really sneaky ones. Steve pulled out some really good pranks, ones he knew from "back in the days before iPods, when we had to entertain ourselves." Clint was generally a good sport about it, though of course he gave as good as he got.

But then one day Clint walked into the common room where they were all enjoying some takeout. 

He smiled at them. A slow, calculating smile.

Natasha, who knew him best, tried to leave, but he threw a knife into the electronic lock, effectively shutting them all in until JARVIS could reset the security system.

"Who did it?" he asked, smile tight across his face.

"Who did what?" Tony asked.

Clint pulled several darts out of his pocket and threw them at Tony, each of them hitting his clothing rather than his flesh, but still pinning Tony to the couch. 

"I'll ask again," Clint said, still smiling. "WHO. DID. IT?"

They all looked at each other. 

Nobody said anything. 

He grinned, and it may have been the scariest look they had ever seen Clint give anyone. "Fine. If no one talks, then you all pay."

"Pay for what?" Bruce asked.

"Astroglide. On my bows. ALL of them."

They knew they shouldn't laugh. They knew that it would be so much worse if they laughed. 

They laughed.

Clint just kept that teeth-baring smile on his face and gave them a look. Don't say I didn't warn you. He strode out, then, and the rest of the team looked at one another.

"Okay, spill! Who did it?" Tony said, still giggling as Bruce and Thor helped him remove the darts. 

But all of them denied it. 

"You don't think he's THAT mad, do you?" Steve said.

"It's his bows," Natasha said. "Yeah, if we don't figure out who did it... it's not going to be good."

"How not good?" Tony asked.

She gave him a raised eyebrow that said everything.

"Okay, seriously, WHO DID IT?" Tony asked again.

***

Over the next few weeks, all of the Avengers had some... difficulties. 

As in, first, they all went bald after their morning shower.

Then they all got the runs after a 'homecooked meal'. 

Then they started to get paranoid, thinking something Clint-revenge-ish was around every corner. During that part, Clint intentionally went a while without a prank just because it was more fun to watch them approach every meal, personal care product, and househould appliance with fear. 

Then Natasha came to Clint and promised him that it wasn't her, and Clint agreed to enter into a prank truce with her alone. She demanded that she get to shave his head to get back at him, though, and he agreed.

The other four immediately tried for the same truce, but Clint wasn't buying. When everyone promises that it wasn't him, then someone has to be lying.

The next one was Viagra in the coffee right before the meeting with Fury, in which four Avengers spent the meeting refusing to stand up or move away from the table as they tried to control their hard-ons. 

Clint really enjoyed that one. 

Finally, that night, Coulson persuaded Clint to take pity on them and let it go.

"I think they've learned their lesson," he told Clint as they cuddled together in bed.

"They messed with my bows," Clint grumbled.

"And I'm sure they will never do it again."

"All right," Clint sighed. "I'll tell them this weekend that I'm done. But I want to watch them be scared until then. Because they deserve it."

Coulson chuckled. "Okay, whatever you think is best," he said and kissed Clint on the forehead.

Coulson wasn't about to tell his lover that he was the one who put the Astroglide all over Clint's bows. He knew where all the bows were, even the hidden stash, and he knew that messing with them would launch the prank equivalent of nuclear war.

Coulson wasn't proud of himself. Especially not for enjoying it so much. But the truth was, a prank war among mad scientists, a supersoldier, a Hulk, an Asgardian, and, well, Natasha... it probably ends with some sort of apocalypse.

Unless someone nips it in the bud and forces a peace early on.

Coulson simply did what he had to do. 

It was just a bonus that Clint was incredibly sexy when he was angry.

Even if Coulson did think that it was kind of sad that the most elite fighting team on the planet just got completely owned by their handler at a prank war.


End file.
